#sketchcomedy #improvcomedy #onlineclassesforkids Written & Directed & Choreographed by Carolyn White Starring Carolyn White, Emmett Rosenbaum, Justin Sasserath, Ami Gillon Edited by Walt Frasier We do not own ANY of the following CGI Animation of Space provided by Pixels https://www.pexels.com/video/cgi-animation-of-space-854228/ Billie Karaoke track purchased via https://www.karaoke-version.com/mp3-backingtrack/billie-eilish/bad-guy.html Additional Music provided by Walt Frasier on Piano Blues based on "You deserve a break today" McDonald's Jingle Hallelujah Chorus, Messiah by George Frederic Handel Imperial March from Star Wars by John Williams New classes for kids & teens forming every month. Comedy 4 Teens https://www.eventbrite.com/e/virtual-classes-4-teens-13-17-improv-stand-up-comedy-musical-theater-tickets-100204967756 Comedy 4 Kids https://www.eventbrite.com/e/online-class-comedy-4-kids-8-12-tickets-100206867438 Advanced comedy classes for kids by invitation only. Improv, Stand-Up and Sketch Comedy Weekly online classes available now. See you back in TIMES SQUARE soon!!! http://www.eightimprov.biz http://www.improv4kids.com
SCRIPT
Starts with black screen, and cuts to girl being thrown into ball pit--McDonald's ball pit
Girl:
Oh my gawsh! Is this...McDonalds? I LOVE fast food...but, why am I here?
Waiting Room Person:
Oh you’re here, a little late though...must be a glitch in the system
Girl:
What, no! I’m always fashionably late for things.
Waiting Room Person:
I see...well, we’ll have you out of here in just a second. Oh, by the way, you’re dead. Sorry about that, but welcome to burgertory.
Girl:
Are you kidding me?! I can’t be dead, I still have things to do! Like...post about how I don’t get fake tans or wear makeup on Instagram! I thought purgatory meant I was a ghost.
Waiting Room Person:
Ma’m, I apologize, but it’s not my job to console the deceased. The best I can do is offer you is a lukewarm McFlurry. And it's BURGERtory. Some guy misspelled purgatory, so a McDonald’s was built.
Girl:
Wow, some people just don't have common sense. #can’t relate. (Gets handed drink) Oooh yasss, that looks so delish. I bet you’ve met tons of other girls who wouldn’t dare to even look at one of these, but I’m nothing like them! I bet they only like salads, so shallow am I right?
Waiting Room Person:
Okay...I’m just about to send you up to heaven, but don’t get too excited, this is just a formality. We have to see what God thinks of you.
Girl:
Wdym? I’m totally heaven material. I’m not fake, I love video games, and I love rock music! I bet you don’t have anyone like that up there!
Waiting Room Person:
Note to God...girl talks in abbreviations...alright. I think we’re all set to go. (Pushes button)
Girl:
I must tell you, unlike some people, (Trailing off) I’m super anxious and loyal to my boyfriend--
Waiting Room Person:
Oof. Good luck God.
Girl:
I’m so glad I didn’t fix my hair today. I know some people would, but I like it messy.
God:
Welcome to heaven! Where you can live in luxury for all of--are you still talking about your hair?
Girl:
Oh, sorry, I just wanted to point out that I’m so unique that I didn’t even wash it this morning. I bet other girls wouldn’t be caught dead like that, but not me!
God:
(To themself) Well, we all have our flaws…
Girl:
Oh, and do you have Call of Duty up here? I like to play video games while I bet other girls are getting their nails done. They’re so typical, lol.
God:
Ahem. Right, well, I see a strong lack of...personality coming from you, so--
Girl:
What r u saying? I’m just exposing all the horrible things other women do, and how I’m so much different and better than them!
God:
Riiight. Well, I think you’ll be a much better fit down in hell...sooo, bye.
Girl:
(Trailing off) Probably no other girls get to meet Satan--
Satan:
Who’s this girl? She doesn’t seem like a bad person...ugh, probably reads books and teaches children to write…
Girl:
Actually, I run a full time blog called Quirkchat! It’s where all special girls can get together, and explain how hard it is to be an outcast for not wearing skinny jeans.
Satan:
...You’ll fit in just fine.
Girl:
EXCUSE ME?!
Satan:
...w-what?
Girl:
NO, no no no no!
Satan:
...I-...what’s the problem?
Girl:
I. Don’t. Fit. In. I can’t believe you would even say that I don’t want to be like other girls I want to be my own person how could you even compare me to those ordinary and common girls they don’t have any defining qualities--
(The ground begins to shake)
Satan:
W-what’s happening?!
(God and Waiting Room Person appear in hell)
Waiting Room Person:
Her quirkiness is ripping a hole in the system! She’s too unusual for the afterlife! If we don’t do something soon, the whole universe could collapse!
Girl:
--and I don’t get why they even exist I mean they’re clones they all put gunk all over their faces and they only care about lipstick breaking boys hearts and clothes! I have no clue why--
(God, thinking quickly, pulls out his iPhone, goes onto iTunes, and starts playing…)
God:
Billie Eillish songs should calm her down…
Satan:
How do you know?
God:
I went on the “not like other girls reddit page.”
(God plays a song)
Girl
--I’m so outdoorsy and...other people...can’t...understand--Is that Billie? Omg she’s my queen!! (Starts lip syncing to Bad Guy)
Waiting Room Person:
It’s a pretty good song…
God:
Yeah, I never realized that…
Satan:
I don’t think any normal people listen to Billie…
Waiting Room Person, God, and Satan:
(Turning into quirky girls--high pitched voices and super enthusiastic) We must be unique because of our specific song preferences!
Girl:
Now you’re getting it!
(They all start humming to the song)
End
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